CCP Is Secretly Infiltrating — How Do You Escape!? Super-Long Call-In, What Do You All Think!? Qiqi Baba TALK “Refresh Your Mind 811” 20261027

In this episode, host Qiqi connects with a 21-year-old graduate student to discuss the intergenerational friction between her and her 47-year-old mother, sparked by the sharing of daily photos and communication styles. The host analyzes the limitations of parents from the 1970s generation in expressing affection and reflects on the social trend of simply attributing family conflicts to the "original family" label. Subsequently, the host extends the discussion to the sense of alienation in Asian families and how this social psychology is exploited by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) authorities to sow discord in interpersonal relationships and weaken grassroots solidarity.

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Hello everyone, welcome to Qiqi Baba, I am Qiqi. Uh, there is a previous call-in that I think I should show you all, because I think this is a relatively important part of the current society within the Great Firewall, and it is also a topic with very, very, very high discussion volume right now.

[Video clip] Uncle Dabin, hello.

[Video clip] No.

[Video clip] I have been having some friction with my mother recently, and then.

[Video clip] Later, um, regarding the organization of this language, you are not a child, you are at least over twenty years old.

[Video clip] Yes, I wrote a script because I was afraid of being too nervous and saying a lot of unnecessary things.

[Video clip] If you put it that way, your age is not over twenty, let's do it again.

[Video clip] Um, yes, because I just turned twenty-one.

[Video clip] Um, okay, go ahead.

[Video Clip] Um, maybe from my undergraduate years up until now in graduate school, um, these friction points have become quite intense. Um, the recent issue is that I sometimes share parts of my daily life on my WeChat Moments. After my mother sees them, she always likes and saves my photos, um, and even uses some directly as her phone wallpaper. But whenever she sees me in person, the very first thing she says is always, um, pointing out what’s wrong with the photo, like, “Um, did you wash your hair? Why does it look so greasy?” or “Don’t wear colored contact lenses in the future, they look really bad.” Comments like that. Um, but our argument this time wasn't just over this single post, um, but almost every time in these, um, daily interactions, I actually rarely get any validation or affirming words from her. Um, I don't mean she has to give me exaggerated praise, um, but rather she clearly likes the photos I share, or really likes it when I, um, dress up nicely, but what comes out of her mouth is always, um, put-downs and...

Denial-filled words. Is your mother forty-six or forty-seven years old this year? Um, forty-seven. Right, do you know how I guessed that?

[Video Clip] Um, because...

Through behavior, one can identify the social stamp imprinted on a person, which allows us to roughly determine the age group they were born into. Your mother is from the 1970s generation.

[Video Clip] Yes.

She is from our generation—I was born in 1979 or 1980, and she belongs to those born in '78 or '79, almost without a doubt. That's why I said forty-seven. Next, let me first help you see the problem more clearly, and then we'll solve it together, alright? Okay, sure. Great, now stay quiet and don't move. Next, let me lay it out for you, okay?

[Video Clip] Um.

A very harsh reality is that she belongs to the very last one or two batches—that is, the last one or two batches of people born in our era—of generations that never learned or explored how to directly express emotions, feelings, and sentiments. Yes, exactly. Female comrades older than her do an even worse job in this regard. That is to say, we are talking about the majority of people, not everyone. She happens to be stuck in this age group. Please note, she was born at the beginning of the Reform and Opening-up. During her formative years, society wasn't like it is today. Today's society has such high density of social information and education, including symmetry in information. In her family of origin, her parents were most likely not people who were good at directly expressing emotions, feelings, sentiments, and love either. The only thing they were good at expressing was what? Negative emotions. Therefore, growing up, she was not a child raised in an environment where she was directly told, "I love you very much." Even though she is now approaching fifty, because she doesn't know how, because she never learned it, and never had situational training, later on when she wants to directly express her love, she lacks a reasonable pathway and technical means. Thus, the persona profile of such people often leans toward, and their subconscious drives them to instinctively make, comments like "saying good things in a bad way." Is she really raising a problem with your colored contacts? Does she really care about your hair? No. First, she desperately wants to tell you, "Wow, my daughter, I miss you so much, I love you so much, I am paying attention to your every move." But she doesn't dare to say these words because she feels shy. Please note, it's not that she feels shy just now, but that she has been shy since childhood, because she never experienced it, no one ever said it to her, and no one ever loved her directly in that way. Second, in fact, from my perspective, this is not a put-down action; you shouldn't simply understand it as a put-down action first. Even if it is, that component is very small. What is it mainly then? My child, it is actually a demanding action.

[Video Clip] Um.

Only people who are not very good at loving others and not good at expressing love directly—do you understand?—are the ones who subconsciously or unconsciously hope the other person will take the initiative. That is to say, "I come and stand right in front of you, but at this moment I don't know how to express this love to you. Yet I really hope there can be warm interaction between us and love can flow." So, could you take the initiative to say it? But how do I get you to say it initiative-wise? I don't know either. If I say it, I'm shy; if I ask you to say it, you don't show your initiative either. What... what should I do? At this moment, their emotion is very subtle. Um, based on this subtlety, every time they say this to you, they cannot control their own perspective and a part of their own very subtle little emotion; they are a bit angry with you. This "being angry with you" means, "I might not understand you, but how come you don't understand either? I'm really angry! Ah, a little bit angry, so I have to provoke you a bit." It is actually a demanding action. What does it want to demand? Demanding your attention, demanding your loving interaction, demanding your initiative. In reality, it's very naive, quite childish. But what is scary? What is scary is that this action often cannot be sustained in a beautiful way afterwards. The path it mostly takes is: once this action is done, it will only escalate the situation, turning an unfriendly dialogue—where good things aren't said properly—into a bigger issue triggered by a small matter, dragging both people into a terrible mood. This phenomenon presents itself very widely. It's not just you who is like this, nor just your family; it's like this in many people's homes. So in our live streaming room, including for a long time whenever we get a chance to chat with everyone, we try our best to tell everyone that there's nothing to be shy about. Within an intimate relationship, whom you love, and whether you want to be loved by someone, are all perfectly natural and completely justified. It is even—this is the fundamental way, the rule of nature. You should directly inform, directly demand, reduce friction, and avoid communication costs, right? Mm. For people who can change, we will speak like this. But does your mother belong to the category of people who can change? In my view, she does, because she isn't that old yet.

[Video Clip] Yes, and also she is a homeroom teacher at a key high school in... in the city where I live. Um, so when she... gets along with children, classmates, or students, she is actually very good. But maybe every time, um, this time I am also reflecting on myself as to why I, um, couldn't hold back my emotions. Right?

You don't need to reflect. It's completely normal that you couldn't hold back. When you have—don't you?—a relatively strong sense of self-awareness, and possess your individuality and independence, actually your inability to hold back is a basic defense and protection of yourself, because you felt what from her? What's called oppression, or even aggression. Please note, this refers to before I help you see the issue clearly and sort it out, your emotions, your interpretation of the event—you perceived it as a blow, an aggression, an offense, right?

[Video Clip] Mm-mm, it's just that I might feel, like you said, um, these words could actually be spoken better, but when they come out of her mouth, the flavor might change.

She doesn't know how to! Since she doesn't know how to, whoever knows how should speak first. Yes, exactly.

[Video Clip] Before, when... when this kind of problem came up before, I also had a, um, proper, like serious talk with her about this issue.

Ah, okay! Completely wrong. This kind of thing doesn't need a proper talk; you don't even need to speak. Repeat her exact words, about that photo of hers, come on.

[Video Clip] She just said, "Did you wash your hair before taking... taking this photo that day?" I said I had washed it.

No, no, your response is not needed. This response of yours is called a confrontation move, or even a self-justifying defense. As long as you start this action, in your heart, you already have that anger. Let me tell you directly what to do, okay? Let's repeat this scenario. Right now I am you, and you are your mother. Repeat that sentence.

[Video Clip] He asked me: "Before you took this photo, did you wash your hair?"

Assume this is your mother, and I am you, with your hands on her shoulders or around her waist.

[Video Clip] Oh my, oh my, is it difficult? Actually, our usual interactions are just like this, just the two of us.

Since I was a child, our relationship has been the very close kind. In that situation, you can replicate this action, or even use actions you are more accustomed to in your interactions, okay? Okay. That's the first thing. Secondly, what is the best method? Don't wait for him to take the initiative to ask you; can you take the initiative to attack? Hmm. Can you take the initiative to attack? Can you take the initiative to ask him if it's okay? What I can report to you is that you need to digest this, because he is young.

[Video Clip] Hmm.

If you take the initiative to ask him about things, the inner sense of irrepressible joy he feels, or the feeling of being noticed and seen, can completely offset the nature of the series of actions he intends to carry out toward you next.

[Video Clip] Hmm, okay, it really gave me, indeed a new solution.

Little one, please understand one thing: most people at your age are not stingy about acknowledging their mothers, but they almost never perform acts of praise. Hmm, praise within an intimate relationship, regardless of whether it is true or false, only matters whether it exists or not. Okay, is that good? I hope you will take the initiative to launch an attack next. What kind of attack? Even if you just compliment that these socks are worn well, it's fine. I'll say, Mom, how come your skin has gotten a little better recently? Or, uh, anything similar is fine. But.

[Video Clip] Hmm.

As long as the signal you permeate is that he acknowledges praise, it means you have seen him, and seeing him is loving him; the thing he lacks, you have given it to him.

[Video Clip] But I don't want to speak for myself or anything, but these words of praise, I actually do say them to him.

Let me adjust that. Based on our chat, I don't quite believe your posture was that soft when you said those words. Okay, let me make an adjustment—this is the general direction I can share with you. Why am I talking to you at such length about all this? Because I don't want to see another kind of outcome. What is this outcome called? It's actually a trend nowadays. Whenever an intergenerational problem arises and children have issues with their parents, there's a stream of thought guiding you to constantly reduce the conflict between you and your parents to four words: "family of origin." Once anything is labeled, trying to clear it is extremely difficult. Small matters easily turn into big ones, and big ones easily turn into uncontrollable situations. Should everyone cut ties with their families after reaching adulthood? Not necessarily, right? Adapt remedies to individual cases and tailor education to individual abilities—it depends on the situation, doesn't it? Right. Taking the example you just gave, tell me: in your family relationship, in the personal history between you two—you and your mother—does this count as a major issue of right and wrong? Does it count as a bottom-line issue? If the situation isn't that severe, I must make this effort. Through our detailed, simple analysis and sorting of the problems and phenomena, let's try to guide things toward a direction where mother and daughter can coexist peacefully and get along harmoniously, rather than amplifying the conflict. So, even though you told me your mother is a teacher, and even though we know that when it comes to raising children of middle and high school teachers, most people do a particularly poor job, I still don't want you, in this review of yours, to amplify her professional attributes, her personality flaws, right, or some of her habitual actions in your narrative. Doing so will only push you to the opposite side of your mother. Mm. Actually, it's not pushing you to the opposite side, but pushing her into an unforgivable position, which would be bad. Right? Is that okay? Okay. We don't need to elevate everything to a matter of principle. Let me give you a very crude example, if you're willing to listen, okay? Sure, go ahead. Say a person gets athlete's foot, and it's between every toe, and it's very severe—frequently peeling off big patches of dead skin. If you have athlete's foot, we can just treat it directly. You can use foot powder or soak it in aged vinegar. There's no need to amputate the leg, right? Right. Right. So what we need to watch out for is that while some things are clearly just athlete's foot, someone is teaching you to amputate. Be on guard against that, okay? Mm, okay. Alright, then.

Well, personally, I feel that Asian families more or less have this issue of alienation. What do you guys think? I feel that most people inside the Firewall have strong defensiveness, making it easier for them to feel a bit cold toward each other when getting along. I think it's somewhat related to this, because since childhood, people might not have established a very close relationship, so they might be somewhat distant regarding these things. But this actually gives an advantage: it makes it easier for the CCP to sow discord among the Chinese people and destroy intimacy between people within families. This leads to Chinese people finding it hard to trust one another, so Chinese people won't unite to deal with the CCP. I think if family issues are individual cases or just a partial phenomenon, you could call it a natural state. But if it's happening on a massive scale or across the entire society, then I think it definitely has something to do with the ruling government, not to mention that they are an authoritarian regime. Alright, that's all for this episode. If you'd like to support me, please join the membership channel. I really hope I can chat with everyone in real time during member livestreams. That's all for this episode, see you next time.