True Love: Reflecting on Asian Family Education and Parent-Child Relationships

As a teacher, I have seen hundreds of Chinese families over the past 10 years. Considering the effort they are willing to put in for their children, I always feel it is a pity that they sometimes still fail to fully satisfy the children's deepest needs. Because Asian parents love the children they expect, but often cannot love the children for who they truly are. And this is the kind of love that children need.

I come from an ordinary family background and did not have as many rich educational opportunities as elite families. When I was preparing for college, I had to rely on taking out many loans to go. Thinking about how much support my Asian friends received from their parents sometimes makes me envious. Although I once felt that my friends were lucky to have their parents' support, I now realize that being able to have my own independence is my luck.

First, I want to say that although I criticize Asian parents, regardless of their flaws, the performance of their children has always been admirable. Any child who has a family that values education so much is truly fortunate. In the United States, children from this group are usually far from problems such as crime, drugs, and teenage pregnancy. They also achieve social mobility faster than other groups.

I do not think Asian parents are bad; I just feel it is a pity that they put in so much, yet some are unable to make their children feel loved. Because achieving this may require reflection and giving up some educational concepts that are outdated and unsuitable for modern society.

Most of the Chinese children I know are usually behind other groups in terms of expression skills. At my school, there are always many children who cannot express themselves clearly, cannot showcase their personality, and even seem to lack a sense of humor. This is neither a language problem nor a personality problem, but the result of how they were trained. When we only care about children's achievements, their truest selves cannot be expressed. I am certain that although some Chinese parents may not truly understand this, such introverted behavior will directly limit their career paths and even the development of personal relationships. Because in the United States, we do not believe that grades are achievement, but rather believe that everyone has their own value, and only a small part of that value can be reflected through exams. Those who cannot look others in the eye or dare not joke are easily ignored. Because in life, social skills are particularly important. This is why prestigious universities in the United States devote so many resources to personal interviews. Because the person on paper and the actual person are very different. I also hope more Asian parents value this point.

Asian children usually lie to their parents. This continues after they grow up. This makes me think, since the parent-child relationship is so important, how could it become like that? In my eyes, the more sincere the communication between two people, the more intimate their relationship. But Asian children usually lie to their parents because they are afraid of disappointing them.

Since you have given your children so much, always gone all out for them, and sacrificed your leisure time to drive them to activities, why don't you give your children the only thing they truly need? As long as they do not feel your love, these things have little meaning to them.

Although my family background was very ordinary and my parents did not do much for me, and I was envious of how much Asian parents did for their children at the time. But looking back now, I could have my father and mother hug me, say those three words "I love you," and have the unconditional love of a family, with their support regardless of what dream I wanted to pursue. I feel that, in fact, I am the one who is happy.